live your favorite story

I watch a lot of movies these days. It reminds me though, because of the other things I've done, Tom Brown courses especialy, that it is possible for my life to be an adventure, and whatever that ends up looking like, it is so much more satisfying than the best movie. It is the best movie. But it requires more work, much more time, and infinitly more risk.

(what's the risk of sitting in front of your computer, watching someone else do something epic? not much.)

It half misses the point though, or more than half, to say that life would be good if it was just epic. that is more a symptom. trying to change it at the surface level leads to unsatisfying and temporary results.

I also have to decide on something I want. "excercising regularly" isn't an objective, it is a means. and if the objective is just, "so I don't keep chastising myself for not excercising" then it's not sufficent motivation for me.

It is interesting, the disconnect I have between my thoughts and my actions. I think it is a little bit tragic. I have great ideals for myself, but when I start to achieve them I realize they are empty of what I wanted from them.

Still, I think it is better to live your favorite story, that to read about it or watch it lived by someone else. The question for me is what needs to change internally for that to come about, and even more important, is that what I really want?

I think what I really want is something much simpler and more universal. A basic surrender, to something I might call flow, or purity, or Self, or God. It's a way the mind functions that doesn't second guess and shoot itself in the foot. From there, you don't need to ask 'what do I want' because your already doing it, and you don't need to worry about whether your doing the 'right' thing, because you always are.

this is about little me, perhaps I will call him... mini-me, abdicating the central command chair, and waiting for full sized Dr. Evil to take up his rightful place.

I'd say a few days ago, I just recently came back around the third loop of elaboration of surrender. It is beginning to get more concrete.

This is how it always works: first it is recognized and accepted on the almost imperceptible level of abstract knowing, being, and then it begins to bleed into feelings and mind and body, bleed into space-time, over time. And thats when you get to enjoy it.

I suppose I should

give some information that is actually relevant to this place/time, for those of you interested in and expectant of such things from a now public blog...

That's tricky though, because I think this blog will be most interesting and fun if I just pretend no one else is going to read it. No longer possible, I suppose. Just be warned: if you are someone who gets offended, ever, you might not want to read my uncensored thoughts.

I'm going to Seattle, except I already went. I don't keep this blog very regularly, you see.

I'm going, or wenting, to be a part of a wilderness skills school called Earthwalk Northwest. I'm doing the Apprenticeship program for a year. But not the whole year. The program is only two days out of the week, until somewhere around April-May, when it will go up to three days a week, and then, in June, down to one day a week, until October, when it all ends.

I'm getting ahead of myself. I don't want to make this long, because it's not particularly interesting for me, because I've already done it, but people are curious about the road trip.

Three days of driving, one day in the middle of r&r at my uncles awesome mountain hideaway in Montana. 2300 miles.

Nature and friends supplied me with a driving buddy. Austin Trout, who was going back to school in Olympia and needed a ride out.

Austin is tall, blond, bearded, with a laid-back demeanor and soft deep voice that is misleadingly relaxing. Like surfer dudes, that seem chill until they're out on the sea, paddling like mad to catch a wave that has a 30% chance of killing them.

The first day was short and uneventful. We talked, ate from our comfortingly excessive food supply of fruit, almond butter, granola, nuts, and healthfood candy bars. We slept at a campground right outside the Badlands, and the next morning, drove through them, watching the sunrise.



Shit, blogger is being an asshole with formatting. DAMN you computers, stealing my time, my very life.

Anyways, then we stopped by devils tower

very briefly, and drove on until about 11:00pm, to arrive at my uncles permiculture homestead/ranch/spiritual retreat. I would have stayed longer probably, but Austin was keen to get back, and I didn't care that much either way. I'm definitly coming back for a longer stay though. It seems like a perfect place to write a lot or be creative in some way. No people around to distract, and plenty of nature to inspire and energize.

Wish I had some interior shots.

I love mountain homes. I love being comfortable while storms rage just outside of large scenic windows. I love the feeling of being hidden above the world, secluded and safe. I like high places, with views that give you vertigo, make you aware of how small you are and how big the universe gets, and what the earth would look like while flying. And I love being surrounded by rocks to play with and admire. A piece of broken, purple slate with mica in it, sparkling in the sun, is just as precious and beautiful to me as rubies or diamonds. I like talking to rocks. Feeling them and getting to know there personalities. And if they're really shiny, fantasizing about chewing and eating them like candy. I think Jung said that means you want to assimilate something into yourself. I guess I need more Rock in my life, as well as Funk.

That day traveling to my uncles house was a great sunset.








Also, I think we briefly drove through Wall Town after the Badlands, looking halfheartedly for the dinosaurs and feeling like dirty tourists, which, of course, we were. Austin had mentioned that he had trouble being patient, and wanted to get back to Olympia, so we did precious little stopping.

My preference is to do a few things, but do them well. Otherwise it's just tourism, driving all over the place and snapping pictures like it's some kind of treasure hunt or status symbol, "look, here's a picture of a bunch of places you've already seen, but with my ugly mug stamped in front of it. VALIDATE MEEEEEEeeee!" Ahem. To each his own.

Really I just don't like driving, so if I'm going to go somewhere, it had better have a big payoff. Since I'm so easy to please in terms of scenic scenes (I was mesmerized for a half hour by a daddy long legs extracting it's self from it's old exoskeleton (and by the way they are NOT poisonous! Check Snopes before you believe weird things people tell you.)) scenic scenery is almost never a good reason to go traveling for me.

However, apparently traveling is an excellent way for the universe to show me where my uncomfortable spots are, so it's always finding excuses to get me on the road.

The next day we took a long route by Mount Rainer. That was gorgeous. I crashed at Austins place for the night, and arrived at the TM center the next morning. Been here ever since. More as time allows (pictures make everything take longer)