Friday, May 8, 2009

May and it's time to travel

Going to a Tom Brown Jr. course on medicinal plant mixtures and compounding. The days have become jam-packed. I am full of life.

I am looking deeply into what it means to suffer and what is the best relationship to have with suffering, and with myself.

I am leaning into life, going places I was too scared to go in the past. Love is in the air. As is fear and insecurity, but they are met like old friends, acknowledged, and learned from today. Then, fairly respected, they lift their hats to me and are on their way.

Much different than the past.

I am deeply studying the phenomenon of non-abiding awakening, of an enlightened ego, and the process necessary to keep going. It's basically the same: honest process and all the tools I've picked up along the way, made easier now with the understanding of Awake. A lot of people wake up and don't understand this. I woke up and didn't understand this. It took a gradual process of two years to get my bearings and see for sure that yes, the understanding was there and yes, so was the ego, and yes, there was Further to go, and it was still possible to get stuck and stop going forward.

The general lesson nature seems to be teaching me is: your intuitions are correct. Trust your feelings. Use the force, Luke.

Some of the greatest places of darkness left: consistency, romantic relationship and neediness, security of my physical person. Letting go of control and demand. And conversely, jumping into life with both feet, doing my very best. Somewhere in this beautiful paradox is an answer I've searched for a long time. It's not found in any series of words, though words may point to it. It is found in an experience, inside of me already, but undiscovered, like hidden treasure.

This is why I love the phrase, "Conscious Awareness" Because awareness is always there, and everything you've ever wanted is already inside you. But you are not consciously aware of it yet. Not awake enough to yourself to recognize it. And our awareness is often, perhaps usually, unconscious.

If I've got two main points on the nature of reality that seem most fundamental, they are

1) Consciousness, Awareness, is fundamental to everything.

2) As you think/believe, so you create/it is.