Saturday, April 23, 2011

Secret Posts

I haven't stopped writing by the way. I've got around ten to fifteen posts, that are still in draft form, that I'm just reticent to post. I can't remember why. Recently I've just been writing them in my journal because they don't seem fit for public consumption. Maybe I'll do something about that. Maybe not. Here are some trinkets, for now:

I'm going to bed really late, consecutively. That plus starting to work out more regularly = tired Isaac.

I have a girlfriend. Yay! How many posts have I complained about not being able to get a girlfriend? How many conversations? How many times have I tried, unsuccessfully, to just get rid of this desire so I didn't have to be so dissatisfied with myself? I feel like I'm out of character. I feel like I'm going to get letters to my script writers from angry, single fans who related to me and are mad that I'm gettin' some while they're still single and socially dysfunctional with relationships (jury's still out on my social disfunction. Give it a few months to shake out.)

Geoffrey Baker died recently. He was a wonderful, wonderful human being, hilarious and truthful and unique. Many people's lives will be poorer for his passing, but they're lives are richer still for having known him. Death may keep assholes from being king for too long, but it also keeps cool people from staying around forever.

Death and life have become more real for me. My emotions have become more real for me.

Still trying to figure out what to do, what new goal I should pursue, since Waking Up nuked my previous ambitions and entire paradigm of seeking. Currently I know one fundamental quality that is worth pursuing: Love. To elaborate, currently, I am pursuing my deep heart satisfaction and fulfillment, looking for a heart full of love and hopefully joy, though I think my vision of permanent happiness is a figment of my imagination. Not that it doesn't exist at all, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't exist how I picture it.

Hmm, it now occurs to me that my motto since high-school was "Truth, Love, Laughter." I didn't realize I might have been prophetic with the order.

The nugget of wisdom the universe gave me for today:
it's relatively easy to come into contact with your true nature, the Self, and recognize it. I'm confident that with most people who are sincerely interested, I could help them find it in an hour or two, and if they're open, five minutes. But the trick is living from there permanently.

Apparently, for that to happen, "...the mind must immolate itself in total surrender to the deep undifferentiated state; to the Divine."

Sounds right.
Rock n' Roll