Monday, October 19, 2009

carrots and destinations: where am I going?

sometimes I wonder if I've got it all wrong:

I think that life is good, but it needs to be great. I still want something better than I have. Younger, I would have exalted spiritual experiences and desire to repeat those beautiful blissful encounters would drive me mercilessly to all kinds of weird behaviours, attemting to get back to that lost grace.

But perhaps those glimpses, those accidental enlightenments, were not forerunners of what was to come, but shrewdly places incentives, designed to get me exactly where I something wanted me to go. The carrot of the carrot and stick dichotomy. It's just as cruel as the stick, frankly, if you never give the person the satisfaction of having the carrot. And even if I do get the carrot, that's not the point. the point is that, by moving towards the carrot, I have been moving somewhere, step by step, searching for carrot and getting only fatigue. Then, the driven stops, I munch on a carrot while they rest and get there bearings, and then when I'm hungry again we keep on going.

what I'm trying to say, is that maybe I am being manipulated, by me, by god, by reptile aliens, I don't know, and what I think is the goal is not actually the goal. In which case, unless it is me directing this, or someone with my best interests at heart, I should figure out where this carrot is leading me.

No comments:

Post a Comment