seeking the darkness with a flashlight

just to keep people from worring about me, and because it's true, I thought I'd mention: I don't get upset that much, or that long. nothing like the old days. If it sounds like I'm pretty dark, it is only because that is what interests me: where am I still small. what are the things I still believe in that are creating suffering in my life?

It's the darkness that needs the light, so that's where the flashlight of my awareness goes. and that's then what I talk about. believe me, I save the really crazy stuff for my personal journal. but this web log of my life and proccess wouldn't be complete if it didn't have the downs along with the ups. too many people gloss over that aspect. It makes the proccess of Realization seem unreal and out of reach. Fantastical. but it's not some fantizy world idea with rainbows coming out of flying saints asses. it is very very real, simple. Maybe not easy, but doable. Just make sure you're going in the right direction, and you'll get where your going. And of course why belive me? Listen yourself. Listen to the great books, the ones that fill you with light and desire for truth and purification and love and hope. I'm just makeing the notes of a fellow traviler availible, to make the point that a) this stuff is real and b) to despell myths about it perpetrated by ass-talkers. There's plenty of ok stuff on spirituality, there's a very little really good stuff, there's a whole lot of bad information, and then there's the stuff that's case specific for you, and could be a book on gardening or anything else.

And so, if this serves any purpose at all besides being useful for me, because writing helps me proccess, it is keeping people from heading in the opposite direction.