Wednesday, February 17, 2010


this is actually something old (as will become apparent) that I found in the "drafts" folder of my email, and wanted to move somewhere Permanent, aside from Facebook (which will probably be gone in a few years. So, here it is:

When I was young, I had a super hero. No, I was a super hero. Isaac was my secret identity. but really, I was, "Super-Can-Do-Anything-Man-Isaac." I spent a long time thinking up what my super hero should be. I wanted to be the best, I wanted the best selection of super powers, and I didn't want to worry about being killed by arch Nemesis's (how many esses should there be there?). So finally I decided on all of them. Quite simply, as the name states, SuperCanDoAnythingManIsaac, can do, anything. Anything he can imagine, he can make so. Often, when I was having a nightmare (and I often had nightmare's as a child) I would call on the power of SCDAMI (that's an abbreviation for the name, fyi) and perhaps, if it was really dire, my sidekick, to save the day, or at least save my skin. You'd think it would be easy, beating villains with the power to do anything, but the problem was, my dreams didn't always play by the rules. There I'd be, at the exit to some giant labyrinthine lair of evil, the dark figure catching up to me, and I was jumping and trying to call on my power of flight, and only getting ten, twenty feet off the ground, as the enemy drew closer. Sometimes I would find myself completely powerless to turn into SCDAMI at all, as some dark terror lurched towards me, fangs glistening with threads of saliva.

These dreams would particularly terrify me, and as I lay in bed, heart racing, after one of those nightmares, I would cry in frustration: why wasn't SCDAMI there? Why wouldn't my dream play by my rules? Almost never, would my dream give me full access to my powers. Why?

It's now coming upon my twenty third birthday. For a while the nightmares have receded. And now, the occasional nightmares are usually more like interesting action movies. I don't have an alter ego who I transform into to gain access to my powers, I just use them. I am just Isaac, the badass monster-slayer. Usually. I wish I knew how it happened. I wish I knew how it could be applied to life.

I've got one clue: Sometimes, transformation into SCDAMI wouldn't work no matter what. But always, when I doubted my abilities, they failed me. The main difference now, in my dreams, and I suppose in my life, is I have painstakingly inched my way towards self-confidence over the years. Like Superman is powered by the Sun or the Green Lantern by his alien doo-hicky, the source of power of Super Can Do Anything Man Isaac, is Belief. Belief that I can do anything. When that faltered, I would fall from the sky, I would loose my strength. When I became scared for my life, the monsters moved in.

I think perhaps, it is time to bring my Superhero self into the light of day. Perhaps I need a secret identity, something bigger than life to transform into in times of need. But above all, what I need for sure is a heroic belief in myself.
Belief that I can do anything.

happy birthday.

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