points of note:
surrender is forgotten, then remembered. forgetfulness is the only way we could play the game of life seriously. so it's not a bad thing, it's a "we want this" thing.
surrender is not an instant 100% thing. It is something you practice, and learn. as I'm trying to do.
One of the most challenging and enjoyable things in my entire life, is being present. especially when it is difficult to do so: that is, the times when I would normally distract myself with various addictions, friends, Internet, worrying, meditating, inquiring, thinking, eating. When, instead, I have the clarity to remember, "just stay with it, completely open eyed" it is absolute love, whatever the pain may be. This is very difficult to do, but it is worth every drop, a hundred times over.
There is no reason to hold back anything. Go for what you know to be worth going for. You cannot go for it too much. No effort is lost, on this path (paraphrase, from the Bhagavad-Gita).
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